Beers on the Couch Returns With The Couch’s No-Trade Lists
The beers, or at least the Slack Chat, was flowing once again at The Couch HQ this week, where we threw up a hypothetical: Who would be on your favorite Blue Jays’ writer’s own no-trade list?
Doyle: I think we can now start Roy-Z’s other idea…which team would be on your no trade list and why?
Wade B: How many teams are we listing?
Roy-Z: Well we can’t go full, as that would defeat the purpose. So…5 or 10. We can decide and go on from there. Need reasons, though.
Wade B: I was thinking 5 to keep it simple
Roy-Z: Probably a good idea
*Executive Decision: 5 team list.*
Ryan M: Blue jays….lol
Roy-Z: Save that bombshell for the end, Mueller
Ryan A: Marlins, Marlins, Marlins, Marlins, Rays.
Roy-z: That Ybor City ballpark tho…
For me, it’s easy. Growing up in NY with the constant ridicule of “not being a Yankees fan” sealed my fate by middle school. Plus, New York is a hellhole, and you know how I feel about hellholes.
So to start: New York Yankees and New York Mets.
Also, I’m not a city person, so the thought of Los Angeles terrifies me. So pop the Los Angeles Dodgers and Anaheim Angels on there as well (I will never call them the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.)
To round it off, I think I’d have to so anti-metropolis again, and pick the Cubs, since we can only pick five. I’ve always had a soft spot for the Chicago White Sox, and I’m not-so-secretly hoping they drive a dump truck full of money up to Bryce Harper and Manny Machado.
So, Roy-Z’s list: Yankees, Mets, Dodgers, Angels, Cubs.
Ryan M: The teams on my no-trade list are decided by weather.
I would 100% not want to play in Minnesota for the Twins because they got rid of the Metrodome. No Detroit or Chicago (×2) and Cleveland.
I’d rather not play in any stadium where ‘postponed due to snow’ in May is a possibility.
The lake effect snow off Michigan and Erie is disgusting. Not to mention the windchill you get in Chicago.
I’d rather melt in the Texas sun than freeze in Detroit.
Roy-Z: Ahh, yes. Upstate NY baseball. We would have ~2-4 games to start each season postponed while we waited for snow to melt. But I’m all about the snow. What about Colorado, though?
Jeff Q: Like Ryan A said the Marlins and Rays are the first two on my list. Reasons include off the charts humidity and the dangerous and unpredictable “Florida Man”.
Ryan M: @Roy-Z I could pad my stats in Colorado. Also, the rest of the division are in warmer climates.
@Jeff Q that humidity would produce many bad hair days for guys like you and I.
Ryan A: OK, if I am me, a nearly 30-year-old backup infielder with plus defense and no power, I’m probably like Ryan Goins in that I don’t have an MLB team to be traded from.
Roy-Z: Just strap on the gear and you’ll make the team, Ryan A. That’s how I did it.
Ryan A: However, here is my serious five-team no trade list:
1. Marlins. Wasn’t joking. It’s a horribly run franchise that has no chance of winning. The ballpark, even sans the statue, is still ugly. Derek Jeter is there. As Wayne from Letterkenny would say, “Hard no.”
2. Rays. I don’t want to be unsettled. Move them to Montreal, we can talk, but until then, I’m not spending my time in that ugly dome. Just no Florida in general. They are trying to evolve into merpeople in time to be underwater anyway. No taxes under the sea, but its not pulling me there.
3. Athletics. Again, not a lot of stability, despite the winning. The stadium smells like the Raiders, thanks to the pipes, and I won’t last long enough to see the new one come around. Pass.
4. Reds. I want no part of that NL Central buzzsaw and I’m sorry Joey Votto, but I’d be getting out of there ASAP. There doesn’t appear to be any opening for success and the Reds are already trying to ditch pieces like Scooter Gennett. I’m on the backside of my career. I want to win. Pass.
5. Yankees. I am not cutting my hair. Screw that.
Ryan M: @Ryan A if you are a Ryan Goins type, I would think you’d be fine with poorly run teams as playing time would be easier to come by. This would allow you to establish some value for your next contract instead of signing with the Chicago White Sox for 900k.
News breaks that the Rays Ybor City Stadium Deal has *again* fallen through.
Roy-Z: Scratch my Ybor City comment earlier, the Rays will be domed until 2027. By then, Montreal should have the finances aligned to drain the swamp in St. Pete-Tampa.
Ryan A: But there is no guarantee I am getting any playing time on those teams. Rays are in a youth movement, with Joey Wendle and Willy Adames. A’s have Marcus Semien and Franklin Barreto. Reds have Eugenio Suarez, Nick Senzel and Jose Peraza. I am not getting playing time there.
I’m actually more likely to play on a team like the Astros or Braves, teams with injury prone infielders. Or, ya know, just coast and play once every five days or so.
Catherine S: My no trade list:
1. The Marlins for so many reasons but headed by Jeter and that man.
2. The Twins because I don’t like the weather without a roof, the duality of cities- what about St. Paul’s twins? or the fact they didn’t just stick it out in Washington D.C so the Expos could’ve stayed in Montreal.
3. Milwaukee Brewers are division jumpers – only ones to play in four divisions, so there seems to be an identity crisis going on.
4. Boston because it’s Boston and I’d be afraid to have a bad day there.
5. White Sox because I’d just want to be a cub the entire time I played there.
Wade B: My No-Trade
1. Oakland – Hate the ballpark, and although they occasionally surprise, it’s too unpredictable.
2. Tampa – Love the city, but much like Oakland, the park is a dump. The front office running it all on the cheap doesn’t help.
3. Boston – Yes, perennial contenders, but the fans make me never want to be there.
4. New York Yankees – Just get over yourselves.
5. White Sox – Cool city, boring franchise. Always have been, and always will be.
Jeff Q: My no-trade list:
Tampa: Humidity, Trop, cheapness and the AL East = nearly impossible path to contention.
Miami: Humidity, Jeets, constant level of chaos in organization.
Kansas City: Dayton Moore.
Cleveland: Getting rid of the old logo was a good (if very belated) start. Now, get brainstorming a new team name.
Yankees: I am not shaving my beard. I mean, really, what a dumb policy.
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Roy’s earliest memories all involve baseball from the early 90’s and the Blue Jays dream teams. He became a Blue Jays fan while watching Carlos Delgado and Shawn Green evolve in Syracuse, NY at the run-down confines of MacArthur Stadium, nestled between highway and swamp. A lifelong baseball player, Roy still plays (P, C, 2B, 3B) in the 25+ Syracuse MSBL for the Liverpool Mets. He watches almost all games with his best buddy Sebastian, a five year old Pug, who could care less.